Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
