she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
