I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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