You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
