i barfeds in our rink
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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