I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
