ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
