It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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