I wannas sexs uuuuu
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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