Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
