If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
