how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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