He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
