wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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