So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
