its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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