Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
