Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
