why didn't you poke me back
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
