I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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