white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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