What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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