I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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