Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
