Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize