Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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