My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
