Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
