I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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