Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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