I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
