My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
