I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
