doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
