listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
