So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize