Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
