Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You brought string cheese to the strip club
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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