I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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