My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
