thus making me awesome and them whores
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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