a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
