My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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