We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
