I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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