I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
