I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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