its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
