Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize