The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
