just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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