There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
