his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
