his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
