We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize