imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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