They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
