kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
