She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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