You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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