My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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