What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
