I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
