I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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