i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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