he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
